Thursday, August 30, 2012

Entertaining Mom and Dad

Last night I heard Mom and Dad talking about giving me a bath. I didn't want one, so I decided to entertain them so they would forget. First I made Dad think that I wanted to go for a walk by barking at the front door. He went to get the leash and I hid behind the couch. Then Mom needed some exercise so I made her chase me around the living room. It was a good plan cause it tired them out and they forgot to bathe me!

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Staying up with Dad

Last night I stayed up really late with Dad. It was fun! Mom had gone upstairs to bed so there was no one to bother us. But, when Dad took me upstairs and put me in my crate, something horrible happened! When I ran in my crate, I accidently knocked my cookie out. Dad closed the door before I could get it. I could see it and I could smell it all night long. I whined a little but I knew Mom would get mad if I barked. So I just had to wait and wait until she let me out in the morning.

Monday, August 27, 2012

People!

Yesterday was almost great! It would have been perfect if  I hadn't gotten a bath. Maybe it was my fault for digging in the onion and leek garden that Dad had just watered with "compost tea". I thought it smelled heavenly but Mom was mad at me for digging up onions. Her revenge? A bath! I was very unhappy but then I heard people at the door. Mom opened the door and I saw Grandpa's car, then I saw Grandpa, Aunt Jen and Julien! I was very excited and made sure that they all gave me belly rubs!
   I also helped out at dinner, even though I'm not allowed in the dining room.  Mom used the Mini-Mecki corn holders!
That's a pretty important job! And I think the Mini-Mecki's did an excellent job-Thanks to my friend Rita for finding them!

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Hurdles

Today I got to play with Dad. Mom let me out of my crate and I ran over to say hi to Dad. He put me on the bed and I jumped all over him. Then he got up and I sighed sadly as I was left all alone on the bed  (except Mom was on the bed but she doesn't count). I jumped off the bed and grabbed one of the dirty socks that Dad is nice enough to leave out for me. I ran around the room with Dad chasing me. He chased me back to my crate but I jumped up on the bed, ran across it, and jumped down on the other side. Finally he got me ( I let him).

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Locked out!

I think Mom is getting very forgetful. She decided to take me for a walk but forgot to bring a key so we were locked out! She didn't have her cell phone either. She tied me to the mail box and then went away. That scared me a little so I whined and waited for some kind soul to walk by a rescue me. Then she came back with a ladder. It didn't look too balanced among the flowers so I moved to the other side of the lawn in case she fell. It did wobble as she climbed on it. She managed to get the window open and crawl in over the radiator cover without falling over my bed. Got to give her props for that-although as I was outside I couldn't actually see what happened inside. I'm just taking her word for it. She came out the front door, put the ladder away and let me back inside.

Friday, August 24, 2012

Mysteriouser and mysteriouser

Hmmm. I am very confused now. Mom just read me my bff Rigby's blog. His sister ( my bestest friend Grace) said that he is all better after seeing the vet about his dewclaw. Then she said that they just have to wait for the claw to grow back. How come mine haven't grown back? Maybe I was born without them? I'm going to have to talk to Dad cause Mom won't tell me anything. Where did they go? Why can't I get them back? It's kind of scary. Maybe someone came and stole them when I was sleeping?

Lonely

This morning I was feeling very sad, even though I got to say hello to my friend. Mom brought me back inside and put me in the kitchen. I wanted her to stay in the kitchen with me but she didn't. Then I saw her holding her keys which is not a good sign. That means she is going away. I lay in front of the kitchen gate like a sad lump of dogginess. She stopped at the gate and called my name. I didn't even raise my head, I just looked upward pitifully and sadly. She was holding something in her hand, it looked like a treat. Does she think she can make me less lonely by offering me food? I need more, I need love, and belly rubs and ear rubs and her to sit in the kitchen so I can lie there with my nose touching her foot! I need her to sit in the chair so that I can lie between the chair and the hutch with various parts of me stuck under the chair so that she can't move it or get up! Mere food does not make up for loneliness! She told me to sit and then asked me to shake. I did what she asked, but sadly. Then she handed me the treat. I opened my mouth slightly and she stuck the treat in it. I was too sad to chew or close my mouth, so I simply let it fall on the floor. I sat there and looked forlorn as she walked away-she didn't even look back!

Barking hellos

Yet again Mom forced me to walk up and down the stairs myself! I think something is wrong with her memory. I am a delicate dog and should not be forced to navigate the steep and treacherous steps-I should be carried up and down like the Pasha that I am.
    This morning I wanted out of my crate so I started whining at 6am. Mom has nerves of steel though and lasted until 6:30am before getting up to take me outside. I can't do this when it's just me and Dad cause he can sleep through anything! Today Mom and I went out for a walk and I saw my friend Pat taking out his garbage across the street. I barked to let him know I was here. He saw me and waved. That was all I needed, I dragged Mom across the street so that I could go say hello to him. He was very happy to see me, but I think I make him a little sad too, cause he had a dog before when I first met him, but he doesn't now.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Forced to walk

Last night after Mom took me out for my last walk, she didn't take my collar off! I was standing on the stops like she told me too. But then she just started walking up the steps holding my leash and I was forced to follow!She only took my collar off right in front of my crate!
  This morning she did the whole thing in reverse! I didn't even have time to do my yoga before she had my collar on and was pulling me down the stairs! What happened to the delicate back of a dachshund????????

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Refreshed and sneakily naughty

This morning Mom let me out of my crate and I decided to be nice to make up for last night. I licked her leg as an apology. She picked me up and put me on the bed. I sniffed around and discovered Dad! That was exciting so I jumped all over him. He was not amused. Then I curled up and let Mom pet me for a while. Eventually I got tired of being good so I jumped off the bed and grabbed a sock. I ran around growling until Mom cornered me. It is very hard to be good all the time.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

The topic of conversation

Mom apparently talks about me at work! And why not, I am an awesome and adorable puppy! Today she was talking to my bff's sister Grace. Grace is amazed that I can eat as much as my bff Rigby. We both get 3/4 of a cup of food twice a day, and Rigby is a lot bigger than me! Mom says I have a good metabolism cause I don't know how to be still. She said even at night when I sleep I move around in the crate. I try to get a lot of exercise and I am full of energy! Grace said that I must burn the majority of calories just wagging my tail! I hope that Rigby is recovered from the dew claw thing. I keep asking Mom where mine went but she won't tell me!
   Tonight was not fun. I got yet another bath! I cried and whined the whole time but no one let me out. I was very angry when the bath was done. I attacked my antler and my soccer ball and threw myself all over the floor. Then Mom took me out for a walk and she was very bad which made me be very very bad. I pulled Mom out the door cause I smelled something good. I started tracking that smell and barking to let Mom know I was on the trail! That's a sign of a good hunting dog!  I pulled Mom down the block and tried to turn the corner. Cause that's where the smell was going. Mom made me go straight across the street. I got really mad!It is not nice to drag a hunting dog off it's trail! I went a little crazy-I barked and growled and jumped around to make Mom turn around. When she wouldn't I got super naughty-I jumped up and nipped her in the leg. That made her MAD. She tried to grab my mouth and I tried to nip her but she was much stronger and got my mouth closed and told me "NO BITE!". Then she turned around, and started for home. I smelled the smell again and tracked it back the other way, barking the whole time. When we got home she put me in the kitchen and told Dad that I was a naughty dog. I heard that! So I sat in the kitchen and barked and howled my innocence!

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Mom's awesome and fearful powers

Yesterday I learned that Mom's power still works even when she isn't home. Dad and I were hanging out and he gave me another bath! And Mom wasn't even home! I cried and whined the whole time.  Then Mom came home and I said hello to her even though this bath thing is getting out of hand. Then she put my harness on-a sure sign that a car trip is in my future! We went to Grandma's house and there was a big party outside! I got to say hello to a lot of people and 2 other dogs and a baby! I found a lot of tasty food to eat and had a great time. Mom says that is because I am a social butterfly and constantly crave attention. I am just a people dog, not including Mom.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Scared about later on

Today was one of the best days ever. This morning Mom put my harness on so I knew we were going somewhere! We went in Mom's car and went to the library. I got to see my bff's sister Grace! When we walked in the door, she was sitting on the floor waiting for me, so I ran as fast as I could and bounced onto her lap! Then I saw my friend Rita and my friend Diane.  I ran around saying hello to everyone. I even tried to say hello to Angela, but she was playing hard to get. Eventually I was all tuckered out so Mom and I left. We went to find Dad, and he got in Mom's car too. I got to sit on his lap while we went for a ride. We went to Sand's Point! I got to go for a walk and bark at the water! It was exhausting but fun. I just wonder why Mom was being so nice to me? Could she possibly have something horrible planned for me later?

Rude!

This morning when Mom took me outside for my walk, she announced that she was working on a song about me. This can't be good I thought, and I'll probably have to listen to her sing it! She said it is sung to the tune of "I'm a little teapot". Then she sang what she had so far:
I'm a little dachshund
Long and stout
Here is my tail and there is my snout
When you tip me over
Barks come out

Just as I thought-rude!

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Day 2 of Torture...

The torture and waterboarding continues without breaks. I was calmly gnawing on my antler when Dad came and grabbed me. I thought he just wanted to cuddle on the couch with me but no, he headed for the torture chamber-aka THE BATHROOM. He deposited me in the tub and then the head torturer, Mom, came in and closed the door. Resistance was futile. Without warning I was sprayed with cold water and more stinky shampoo was rubbed all over me. Then more spraying. Then yet another substance was rubbed all over me. Then an even longer spraying. Finally, hours later, Dad whispered to me that Mom was making him do this and gently took me out of the tub. He wrapped me in towels and dried me off. Mom got up and opened the door and I saw my chance. I ran out of the torture chamber to the safety of the living room. Mom of course took many photos of my humiliation.
Someone alert Greenpeace!


 Can it get any worse?

Dad telling me how Mom is forcing him to do this!

I attempt an escape.

 Resigned to my fate



 Can you not feel my pain?

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

My bff is hurt

Mom read me my bff Rigby's blog and he got hurt! He was playing and ripped off his dewclaw. Mom said that I don't have to worry about that cause I don't have any. She wouldn't tell me what happened to them. I hope Rigby feels better soon!
   Last night when Mom wasn't looking, I ate part of my filleted duck. In hindsight, it was NOT a good idea. This morning I woke up Mom early with my crying and she took me outside and then put me in the kitchen while she took a shower. When she came back down I had been sick. Mom cleaned it up while I helped by attacking the paper towels. Then she gave me some kibble with sweet potato. Sweet potato is good but not as good as LIVERWURST!  Mom said she should have named me Liverwurst.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Excess Energy

Last night was good cause I didn't get a bath! I had a lot of energy and Dad gave me my filleted duck to play with! It used to be stuffed with a squeaker, but I got rid of all that. It floats and flies around much better when it is just fabric. I ran all over the house throwing it in the air and catching it. It was a fun night.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

B is also for BETRAYED!

Well so much for a nice day. Dad sabotaged me! But I heard him say that it was Mom's idea so I don't blame him at all. I was eating my dinner, hanging out in the living room when he brought me into the bathroom and put me in the tub. No good can come of this I thought. I resolved to not let that vet give me a belly rub next time. Then Mom appeared with the flip to take humiliating videos of me. First Dad lathered me up with stinky red shampoo. That had to stay on me for 10 long minutes! It was torture. Then they rinsed me off and I thought this hell was over. But no...

Then Dad lathered me up with some cream rinse that they also use on cats and horses! How rude I thought, I am neither a cat or a horse. Can't someone invent something that works for dogs alone?
That also had to stay on for 10 minutes! Finally I was rinsed off again and Dad put a towel on his lap. He took me out of the tub and wrapped me up in towels and scrubbed me all over.  Then he freed me!


I flew out of the bathroom and ran into the living room to properly dry off. This consists of me hurling my front half down on the carpet and pushing with my back half. Yet again Mom was there to film.

As I was drying myself off, I heard Dad say something about baths 3 times a week for 3 weeks. That did NOT sound good.  I am going to have to start hiding!

So far so good!

I think I might be safe! I heard the b-word (Bath for those who don't know the word that may not be spoken!) at the vet but so far so one has forced me into the water! This morning Mom and Dad got up early (well mostly it was early for Dad, Mom is generally up with me) and I thought we might be going for a ride. Dad took me out for a walk but then stuck me in the kitchen. All alone yet again I though. Then I took a nap. I was lying between the hutch and a chair on the kitchen floor when I felt a vibration-I opened one eye and there was Mom! In the kitchen! I thumped my tail twice to acknowledge her.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Company

Today my Grandma and Julien came to visit. I was very excited to see them. I jumped all over Grandma and she gave me belly rubs. But they wouldn't stay and visit. They  came in the door and then we all went out the door and they got in a car and went away. Now it is just Mom and me. It' going to be a long day.

Friday, August 10, 2012

What a day!

My friend Rita from the library gave Mom a present last night. A very handsome one. She found mini- me's that hold corn for people. I was a little insulted at first cause I have ALWAYS offered to hold the corn for people. But Mom said that people much prefer to use mini-me's as they are less drooly on the corn. Plus Mom said that corn is not good for pups. I can understand that! Mom and Dad were very amused by them and Mom said she is going to go buy corn tomorrow and take a picture!
My day was very hard. Mom ignored me in the morning and then forced me out into the disgusting humidness of the world. Then the day got better cause Dad came home!  He grabbed me and put me in the car which was fine cause I love going for rides. Unfortunately Dad took me to the vet. I guess it was because I was scratching so much. Anyway I was sniffing around on the floor cause there were so many new exciting smells! Dad grabbed me to put me on the table but I was squirming around so much (the table is very cold and shiny and I don't like it) that Dad clocked my head into the table ledge. He was horrified and felt really bad but the Doctor just laughed and said not to worry as that was the strongest bone in my body. I thought that she should have been more sympathetic. The Doctor poked me all over and decided that I had dry skin. I heard her use the word bath, which bothered me. Dad and I left with a bag full of stuff-special shampoo, special rinse, antibiotics, and a spray. Then we stopped at the store and Dad bought some stuff. I smelled liverwurst!!! We went home and ate dinner. I was lying outside the kitchen when I heard a noise-it was Mom! She snuck in through the kitchen door! I ran over to say hi. Then Dad came in and took out the liverwurst. I immediately sat down and was quiet. I watched him intently, ready to do whatever he wanted. Then he gave me a piece of liverwurst. Liverwurst is the BEST food in the world. After I ate it, he gave me a treat! And then he gave me a toy! I thought perhaps it was my birthday but there was no hat so I guess not. My toy was a squeaky duck! I threw it around the room for a while and then hid behind the couch with it. I was very quiet, too quiet. Dad looked over the couch and I had shredded my duck and taken out the squeaker. Dad chased me around to try to get the limp duck body but I ran into the kitchen and hid. All night I dreamt about that liverwurst. I hope there is more today.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

All alone

Mom is home but she is not playing with me. She left me all alone in the kitchen with the air on. I was lonely so I managed to grab some napkins off the table and shred them! Wait till she sees how nice it looks!

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Mom forgets again

This morning Mom let me out of my crate. I stretched and did my yoga and then I moved to my next activity spot. I like to hang out at the end of the bed where the blankets hit the floor-it's like a long dark cave. I roll under there and I scratch my back  and fluff up my fur on my head-it's my otter position. I lie there for a while and then eventually Mom tries to lure me out of the bedroom. Today she went and opened AT's door. This intrigued me cause I thought maybe he had come back when I was sleeping! I got up to investigate, but Mom shut his door and her bedroom door once I came out. Then she went downstairs and left me looking mournfully at her from the top of the stairs! She forgot to take me down again! I nosed the bedroom door open and went to visit Dad. Mom came running back upstairs and grabbed me before I could get to Dad. Then she brought me outside and hung out with me in the kitchen.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Good and Bad day

Yesterday was half good half bad. Mom and Dad took me for a ride in the car. (good). I got to see Dad's friend Rick (good). We went to the dog park (bad cause I didn't want to go in and get attacked) but then there were a couple of dog that were nice so I played with them (good). We went to a pet store and I got a cookie and belly rubs (very good).  I saw my Grandpa when he came over for dinner (excellent!!!!). We went for a walk and I got a belly rub from 3 of the neighbors (great). Then I saw my friend Chief across the street and Mom took me over to say hello, but Chief was not happy to see me and tried to bite me (very bad). Dad gave me a frosty paws (yum!). I got to hang out downstairs with Dad without Mom around (excellent!).

Saturday, August 4, 2012

The Evil sprinkler!

Mom took me out for a walk today in the hot disgusting weather. I was unhappy about this and took my revenge by dawdling along. Due to this we were quickly overtaken by a dog and his mom on the other side of the street. I didn't know this dog so I kept my eye on him. I barked a bit but Mom yelled at me. I was so busy looking at him that I didn't see the sprinkler head sticking out of the grass. I walked right into it! This startled me and I jumped back. Then I got mad and barked at it, and finally bit it. I had been so busy getting my revenge that I had forgotten about Mom being there. She was all bent over laughing at me. Like she never walks into anything!

Thursday, August 2, 2012

More company!

Last night Capt Rick came over! I was so excited to see him that I wiggled all over the place and jumped all over him! He and Dad were doing something so Mom took me out for a walk. I was disappointed cause I wanted to stay and have boy's night. But when we came back, he was still there! So I jumped all over him some more! Then I heard him say that he was coming back Friday. I don't know when Friday is, but that will be fun-cause Mom said she won't be here so we can really have boy's night!  After he left , Mom filled my kong with some chicken-only she filled it too well! I tried for 45 minutes and I still couldn't get that last piece out! It was so frustrating! And even worse, Mom grabbed me and took me out for my pre-bed walk! Then we went upstairs and once again, a piece of my cookie flew out of the wire grate! I wish she would give me my old cookies-these new ones are good but way too flakey!

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

The missing piece of cookie!

Last night Mom brought me upstairs and put me in my crate. I was so excited to see my cookie that I pounced on it to start eating. Unfortunately in my eagerness, part of my cookie flew out the metal gate and landed in front of my crate. That was heartbreaking! There was no way that I could get it back or even reach it. If I barked, Mom would yell at me. So, sadly, I lay there all night long dreaming of that piece of cookie. In the morning when Mom opened my crate, I ran right out, closed the door behind me and grabbed my piece of cookie. Mom was very amused and  laughed. She doesn't know how hard it is to sleep when your piece of cookie is waiting for you!
    Last night I made Mom and Dad play "mecki fetch". This is the far superior way of playing fetch. Rule 1: you must have multiple items to throw. It can't be just the one thing cause I will not waste my time fetching that, and bringing it back and waiting for you to toss it again. I like variety!   Rule 2: When I bark , you must throw a toy!  Rule 3: When I am in the process of bringing the toy back , you must have another toy in your hand to throw. Rule 4: I will do a trick or two , but don't push it! Rule 5: When I get bored, the game is over.