Rude!

This morning when Mom took me outside for my walk, she announced that she was working on a song about me. This can't be good I thought, and I'll probably have to listen to her sing it! She said it is sung to the tune of "I'm a little teapot". Then she sang what she had so far:
I'm a little dachshund
Long and stout
Here is my tail and there is my snout
When you tip me over
Barks come out

Just as I thought-rude!

Day 2 of Torture...

The torture and waterboarding continues without breaks. I was calmly gnawing on my antler when Dad came and grabbed me. I thought he just wanted to cuddle on the couch with me but no, he headed for the torture chamber-aka THE BATHROOM. He deposited me in the tub and then the head torturer, Mom, came in and closed the door. Resistance was futile. Without warning I was sprayed with cold water and more stinky shampoo was rubbed all over me. Then more spraying. Then yet another substance was rubbed all over me. Then an even longer spraying. Finally, hours later, Dad whispered to me that Mom was making him do this and gently took me out of the tub. He wrapped me in towels and dried me off. Mom got up and opened the door and I saw my chance. I ran out of the torture chamber to the safety of the living room. Mom of course took many photos of my humiliation.

Someone alert Greenpeace!

 Can it get any worse?

Dad telling me how Mom is forcing him to do this!

I attempt an escape.

 Resigned to my fate

 Can you not feel my pain?

My bff is hurt

Mom read me my bff Rigby's blog and he got hurt! He was playing and ripped off his dewclaw. Mom said that I don't have to worry about that cause I don't have any. She wouldn't tell me what happened to them. I hope Rigby feels better soon!
   Last night when Mom wasn't looking, I ate part of my filleted duck. In hindsight, it was NOT a good idea. This morning I woke up Mom early with my crying and she took me outside and then put me in the kitchen while she took a shower. When she came back down I had been sick. Mom cleaned it up while I helped by attacking the paper towels. Then she gave me some kibble with sweet potato. Sweet potato is good but not as good as LIVERWURST!  Mom said she should have named me Liverwurst.

Excess Energy

Last night was good cause I didn't get a bath! I had a lot of energy and Dad gave me my filleted duck to play with! It used to be stuffed with a squeaker, but I got rid of all that. It floats and flies around much better when it is just fabric. I ran all over the house throwing it in the air and catching it. It was a fun night.

B is also for BETRAYED!

Well so much for a nice day. Dad sabotaged me! But I heard him say that it was Mom's idea so I don't blame him at all. I was eating my dinner, hanging out in the living room when he brought me into the bathroom and put me in the tub. No good can come of this I thought. I resolved to not let that vet give me a belly rub next time. Then Mom appeared with the flip to take humiliating videos of me. First Dad lathered me up with stinky red shampoo. That had to stay on me for 10 long minutes! It was torture. Then they rinsed me off and I thought this hell was over. But no...

Then Dad lathered me up with some cream rinse that they also use on cats and horses! How rude I thought, I am neither a cat or a horse. Can't someone invent something that works for dogs alone?

That also had to stay on for 10 minutes! Finally I was rinsed off again and Dad put a towel on his lap. He took me out of the tub and wrapped me up in towels and scrubbed me all over.  Then he freed me!

I flew out of the bathroom and ran into the living room to properly dry off. This consists of me hurling my front half down on the carpet and pushing with my back half. Yet again Mom was there to film.

As I was drying myself off, I heard Dad say something about baths 3 times a week for 3 weeks. That did NOT sound good.  I am going to have to start hiding!

So far so good!

I think I might be safe! I heard the b-word (Bath for those who don't know the word that may not be spoken!) at the vet but so far so one has forced me into the water! This morning Mom and Dad got up early (well mostly it was early for Dad, Mom is generally up with me) and I thought we might be going for a ride. Dad took me out for a walk but then stuck me in the kitchen. All alone yet again I though. Then I took a nap. I was lying between the hutch and a chair on the kitchen floor when I felt a vibration-I opened one eye and there was Mom! In the kitchen! I thumped my tail twice to acknowledge her.

Company

Today my Grandma and Julien came to visit. I was very excited to see them. I jumped all over Grandma and she gave me belly rubs. But they wouldn't stay and visit. They  came in the door and then we all went out the door and they got in a car and went away. Now it is just Mom and me. It' going to be a long day.