Someone call the tooth fairy and ask for treats instead of money!

I lost a tooth! Then I found it and then I tried to eat it! Last night I was sitting on the couch chewing on Dad's very itchy wool blanket when it snagged my tooth and popped it out! I didn't really notice until I started searching for something to eat and found it. So I grabbed it and started chewing on it. Mom asked Dad what I was eating. Dad then stuck his yucky fingers in my mouth and found my tooth. If Mom would actually feed me, I wouldn't be forced to eat my own teeth! No one put it under my pillow so I didn't get any treats from the tooth fairy.
     That Bastille is really crazy. Not only does he steal all my toys, jump all over me and eat my food, but he eats his teeth! When my teeth fell out I didn't even notice and swallowed them all! I didn't let Mom and Dad get their hands on them.  I will admit that it is horrifying when Dad sticks his fingers in your mouth.

My busy week of being called mean names by MOM

I have had a busy week of Mom being mean and making fun of me! (mean names highlighted for your convenience) First of all , she decided that I was a cuckoo. When she opens my crate in the morning, I come out cautiously-you never know what could be lurking outside-Mecki, Dad, other scary things. So I pop out of the crate a couple of times. First I stick my head out, then scoot back in, then I'll put my front paws out to test the waters and scoot back in. After a couple of tries where nothing has attacked me, I'll come all the way out ( or if a treat is involved, I will pop right out). Mom commented to Dad that I was like the cuckoo in a cuckoo clock and it was like 8:00 according to how many times I popped in and out. I thought that was quite rude! Patience is a virtue (except when food is involved!).
     A couple of days later, she came up with another nickname, Little Piggy. Just cause I am constantly starving (cause she won't give me more than 1 cup of food a day!!!!), is no reason to resort to name calling. She had put me in my pen in the kitchen and I had devoured my food (and in yet another rude thing to do, Mom put a bone shaped toy in my food bowl and pours the food around it, so I can't just vacuum it up, I have to push the bone around to get to food! Mom thinks this slows down my eating) and I was still starving. So when Mom left the room, I climbed out of my pen and ran into the living room. I pushed Mecki away from his bowl (he's never hungry anyway) and ate his food. Mom came out and found me and yelled at me! She put me back in my pen and refilled Mecki's bowl. Then she went to take the garbage out and I escaped again! Guess where she found me? Yup, on my third breakfast. This is why there is now a gate and two chairs surrounding my pen, plus the kitchen gate is up so that even when I escape, I cannot leave the kitchen!
     Ok, now for the meanest name of all. Mom said I looked like a very Fat Frog! But then she changed it to a Fat Toad to be more PC. Hello!!!! I am a French Bulldog! The term Frog is a very mean term for French people!!!! This just shows the extreme meanness of Mom. She called me this after watching my method of escape. Basically, I jump up and stick my front paws over the wood and hold myself up. (this is when Mom says I look like a Fat Frog. Then I kick maniacally with my back feet until I can pop over the top. See below:

 I got Mom back however. I was sitting on her lap, licking her, luring her into a false sense of security and then all of a sudden, I chomped on her chin!
      I don't feel sorry for Bastille at all! He deserves all those names! He steals all my toys (and won't share his), eats my food (and doesn't give me any of his, and even tries to take stuff out of my mouth!), and is overall quite naughty. Unlike me.
     

 

Revenge

Saturday was a pretty horrible day in our house. Bastille was in his pen and I was relaxing in the living room when I noticed that Dad seemed to be on a mission. All of a sudden he grabbed me and brought me into the bathroom. Being that the bathroom is generally off limits, being suddenly invited into it can only mean one thing. A BATH! As you well know (if you read my blog), I am NOT a big fan of water-except for drinking, ice cubes and snow. I had spent a great deal of time perfecting my smell. I had been digging holes in the backyard with Bastille, rolling around with Bastille and generally insuring that I smelled great. Well Dad put an end to that. He put me in the bathtub and used the medicated soap. That made the bath last even longer. First I have to have shampoo on me for 10 minutes, then a rinse, then 10 minutes of conditioning. It was horrible. When Dad finally let me out, I wandered sadly into the kitchen, completely depressed. That only lasted a minute though, cause I saw Dad going over to Bastille who he grabbed and brought into the bathroom. Hurrah I thought , at least the little monster will suffer too!
And suffer I did! Mecki had told me all about baths, and Mom had stuck me in the sink for a bath once! They are horrible! I thought I smelled quite good. Mecki had drooled on me a lot and I had been digging and rolling in the backyard, so I was not quite so white as before. Dad tossed me in the bathtub and gave me a bath with puppy soap! Then  he put me in the kitchen with Mecki to dry off. This is when we plotted our revenge. Or mostly I plotted while Mecki listened. And our revenge took place yesterday and was glorious!
    Yesterday, Dad came home at lunch to fix the back door. He took the chair that Mom put by my pen (which stops me from jumping out-yes, I CAN climb over 2ft high walls with ease!). He sat on the chair to fix the door, then let us play outside for a while. When he left, he forgot to a) put the chair back and b) put up the kitchen gate! Success is mine, I barked, or as Mom says quacked, to Mecki as I clambered out of my pen. Mecki and I spend the entire afternoon playing in the living room and hallway. I drank all of Mecki's water and then watered the floor. I also ate Mecki's food. When we  heard Dad's key in the door, we both ran over to say hi. Wasn't he surprised! Mom came home a few minutes later, she was NOT amused.