Finally!

Well, in case you did not know, antlers are like crack cocaine for small wire haired dachshunds. I am only 2 years and 5 months old but I am already on my 5th antler! And Mom and Dad didn't even start me on an antler until I was 1 years old (and had eaten two kitchen chairs!).Two weeks ago, Mom and Dad took my antler away as I had gnawed it down to a small stub with 2 pointy fangs. They were afraid I would eat it, so it was confiscated. This upset me to no end. So for the past two weeks, I have been jonesing for an antler! They don't understand that my other toys can't make up for the deep dark need of an antler to chew.Without the antler, I am lost, alone, sad, angry, bitter ....and that is why I have been SO naughty!

Yesterday was a pretty good day considering it was antler-less. I played in the snow and then my Auntie Joan came over and brought me two squeaky toys! One was green and one was red and they made awesome noises! I was happy to see her nd jumped up to say hello. She played tug of war with me. Then after a while she left, that made me sad again. Then Dad came home. That was a bit exciting. But the best part of the night was that Dad had bought me a new ANTLER! He found my old antler and transferred the power. This time (since I had been without antler for sooooooooo long), I had trouble sitting still and listening. I just wanted that antler. Finally it was ready and I settled down for a long and quiet night of gnawing!

I would also like to agree with my bff Rigby about manners and the cleaning of one's face after a meal or a drink. Unfortunately I am not tall enough to use a couch to wipe off my beard and mustache. (On a quick aside, Mom was very rude to me last night and twirled my mustache into a Salvador Dali-but she said Salvador Dogli- pointy mustache. She was laughing hysterically, but Dad and I were NOT amused!) Instead I like to go get a drink so that my beard is very wet and drippy, then I either a) jump up on Mom to wipe all the water off or b) use Dad's pants leg to wipe off. If they are not available, I get a running start and hurl myself down on the carpet, sliding along until all the moisture is off. This is also effective on drool (like after I've been trying to get that elusive piece of chicken out of the giant kong from Grandma) or on antler paste (although the best method for getting rid of that is to chew my antler on Mom's lap, that way the paste just runs off on her pants) or after a bath or getting cold yucky liquid poured into my ears (which are then massaged-and although I do like a good ear massage, it is much better without the nasty liquid!).